Office VS Prison + What The Hell is Independence?

A Dream to Remember
It was a dream … a dream …
There I was, sitting on my car seat and driving. The road was still that it made me feel so alone. I had just work overtime but I didn’t feel tired. Then, a sudden thought came into my mind. Why don’t You yourself have fun tonight? A disco session, maybe. Well, in about fifteen minutes I was already in the parking lot of my favorite club. I looked at my watch. It was 11.30 pm. The perfect timing.
Inside the club, I noticed that it was full even though it was not a weekend. The club was already filled with so many people and that really excited me. The laser, the disco ball, the cheers, the sweat. Everything was there. I saw people dance, clap their hands, shout, and sing along while some popular tunes were played. Of course, we all just wanted to forget everything that had happened.
An hour passed. And while I was dancing, a glimpse in the VIP area caught my eyes. There were some “lucky” guys and girls drifted away in some kind of hot conversation. One pair of them ended up in kissing each other passionately. Well, congratulations! I felt happy for them. Too bad, I was alone at that time.
I danced again, half-heartedly hoping that I could be like them. Suddenly, after some beat-driven tunes, a girl walked in front of me. From the way she walked, I could say that she had drunk too much alcohol. Of course this girl’s appearance stole people attention, including me. And then, up to my surprise, in the blink of an eye, she came to me, and hugged me. Wow! What a pleasure. But then I thought, how come this girl just came and hugged me?
“I think You drink too much, Girl? Where are your friends, or Your boyfriend?” I asked her.
Then she replied, “Yes, I drank too much. But I don’t care, this makes me feel free. And umm, speaking of any boyfriend, … I’ve got no boyfriend. I am alone.”
What a coincidence! But I didn’t know whether she was kidding me or not. I thought she said such thing just because she was under the influence. Maybe she had just had a row with her boyfriend and sort.
Suddenly, she fainted. OMFG! I felt worried, so I brought her to the nearest sofa from the bar. Her body was the slim/slender type, so it wasn’t a big problem to carry her to the sofa. After that, I ordered a glass of orange juice, for myself. Yes, I love nightclubs but I really hate alcohol. I don’t even smoke.
A few minutes passed and she got conscious. I offered her a sip of juice from my glass. She took a sip. And there was silence… I thought she was about to throw up, because she put her hand on her mouth, but thank God, she resisted it.
Somehow, she looked more and more conscious. That’s better. So I introduced myself to her my name and told her that she had just gain consciousness after she fainted for about 10 minutes.
“Thanks for that! Oh, and my name is Ms. Conscience.”
Ms. Conscience. What an unusual name? It’s quite weird. But, at heart, I told myself that the girl was still drunk for telling me that name, but she appeared so conscious to me. So I asked her about her name, about how she got that unusual name but she told me that it was a secret and kept insisting that only her and her parents knew. Maybe it’s not her real name. After all, she’s drunk.
“So, Ms. Conscience, I think You consume too much alcohol. And why are You alone?” I asked.
“Because I love freedom. I feel so free when I am alone and drunk,” she replied slyly.
Then she added, “I see that You’re alone, too. People consider it is lame to be alone. But I enjoy my solitude. Solitude means freedom. Umm… what’s Your favorite drink anyway? And why are You drinking orange juice? You are of age.”
“Well, I don’t drink alcohol. I hate the taste. And You know what, it’s not healthy. It’ll damage Your liver eventually. And I think there is no such thing as freedom. As far as I am concerned, being alone doesn’t mean freedom. You’re free from any commitment, but You’ll face another problem. Loneliness.”
I tried to change the uncomfortable topic and thought about another question. Too bad, before I opened my mouth, she cut me and then asked the strangest question I’d ever heard in my entire life.
“So, which one is better for freedom, prison or office?”
What a silly, crappy, and simple question from a drunk girl, I thought.
So I answered, “Well, of course office is better than prison. We have more freedom and even independence in the office.”
“Sorry man, I think you’re wrong, indeed, very very wrong,” she replied
“What?” was all I can say.
“Yes. You’re wrong. Here, let me give you some reasons. First, in prison we get 8 X 10 m2 room, but in the office we can only have 6 X 8 m2 or less. So this limits Your opportunity. You are less capable of doing anything you want in a narrow room.
And of course, in prison, we can have three free meals a day. In the office, maybe you can only get just once or even none. That means you have no freedom to eat three times for free because you have to pay for the rest.
Besides, in prison, we will be given leisure time if we behave well. But in the office it doesn’t work that way, we will be given more and more and more jobs.”
I was amazed by the things she had just said, but I didn’t want to give up easily by her words. Especially because she was drunk and I am totally conscious.
“But there are many many things we can’t do in prison freely. Like making a phone call, and how about those bad things usually happening in the prison such as fights, rape, or even murder,” I commented.
She nodded, and replied, “You’re right. Definitely right. But let me give You some other reasons.
Sometimes prison is better than office. Example, in the prison, the guard will open, close, and lock the door for us. But in the office, we have to open, close, and lock the door by ourselves. They’re only small things, but that means our freedom to enjoy a small bit of time, even if it’s short, was taken.
Moreover, we can watch TV everyday in prison without any threat of being punished or even fired. In the office, we have no right to watch TV, we have to work and work and work. And the worst thing about that is, as I had just said, we might get fired. We have less freedom in the office.
Last but not least, in prison, we don’t have to worry about money. The government or the state will pay everything for us. In the office, or maybe in our daily life, we have to pay all of expenses by ourselves, and even our salaries will be cut for the tax which eventually used to pay those people who are in the prison. And I know you know it sucks, really sucks! Well, that’s all I can say about the differences between prison and office,” the drunk girl said.
I was astonished. She was right, totally right. After that time I started to feel that I had been imprisoned in my own office most of the time since I worked there. And I realized that it was a fact and I couldn’t argue even for a bit because all the things she said eventually opened my eyes, my mind, my conscience. Well, I thought it was why she got her name, for she had the capability of opening someone else’s eyes, mind, and maybe conscience, soon.
“I haven’t finished yet, you know.” she said to my surprise.
“I have another question… So, do you feel that you are free and independent?”
Based on what I had just experienced, I wonder... What kind of another bloody tricky question is that?
“Yes, I do,” I answered her.
“Why do you think so?” she asked again.
“Well, I live in an independent and free country, and I am able to do anything I want as long as it’s not illegal, that means I am independent,” I imagined what things she would said to counter my argument.
“Well, I guess you are too naive, and that’s why you’re wrong again,” she spoke in a flat tone.
“Why?” I argued.
Then she said, “Hmm, I thought that your opinion about independence is just a dream. It’s only a dream!”
“Why did you say so?” I asked.
“Because you are still alive, so you’ll never know what independence is like,” she said in a flat tone, again.
This conversation started to make me feel dizzy as if I was the one who’s drunk. It was like an everlasting conversation. I looked at my watch and it showed me that it was 2 a.m. in the morning.
Then I asked her again, “Hey, How could I become independent if I am dead?”
This time, she looked more and more conscious than before.
“Well, human beings never know the things that will happen to them in the future, either good or bad. Human life is full of mystery, and that’s why they will always worry about their future, not to mention their death. That means they are not independent, because they live in fear.” she said.
Quickly, she added, “You know, there are only two things in life You have to worry about. First, whether you are problem-free or whether you are not. If you are problem-free, then there is nothing to worry about. But it’s impossible, we as human beings always, and I mean always, find problems in our lifetime.
If you are not problem-free, then there are two things to worry about, whether you are going to have Your problems solved soon or whether you are going to die because of depression since You cannot solve those problems. If you can have them solved, then there is nothing to worry about.
If you die, there are two things to worry about, whether You know You are going to go to heaven or hell. If you know You are going to heaven when You die, then you have nothing to worry about. Here’s where the story ends and you’ll feel independent more than ever.
On the contrary, if you go to hell, you'll be so busy praying to God, doing good things, participating in the charity events, forgiving people’s faults, and even making friends with your enemy. Because of what? Because you’ll never know where you are going to go when You die, heaven or hell. And that is why you’ll feel so worried and dependant to anyone and anything and that’s the reason why this life is so mysterious.
You think you are independent, but you aren’t. You know, when there’s nothing you have to chase for, to fight for, to struggle for, or to fear of, then it is the time that you are independent.”
I applauded her, and she smiled.
“Wow, thanks for “brainwashing” my mind, You are an amazing girl”, I said. Then I gave a quick kiss on her forehead. I didn’t know why I did that. She blushed afterward. I think she wasn’t drunk anymore.
Then she said, ”Well, I think maybe my parents named me ‘Conscience’ so I can open people’s mind and heart. But You know, I don’t want to live in prison even if it gives some sort of “freedom”. And I don’t know where I am going to go when I die. Nobody knows their fate.”
Then we laugh together.
“You know, I learn something from You too. Alcohol is bad and getting drunk is not a good thing. I should stop drinking alcohol,” She said.
“That’s great!” I replied.
Oooh, time moved so fast. It was 3 a.m. and both of us felt so starved. So, we ate in a 24-hour fast food restaurant beside the nightclub. There, we talked about other things. This time, it was more casual than our previous topics in the club. We even shared some riddles and jokes. I realized that she looked prettier when she was conscious.
After that, I drove her to her house and kissed her forehead once again in front of her front door. When I was about to leave, she asked me to stay.
What the …
I couldn’t refuse such a request, especially from such pretty girl, so I entered the house and sat with her in the sofa. She embraced me, murmured something incomprehensible, then she fell asleep. Damn! She’s cute. I think I fall in love. I stroked her hair for minutes. I believed that she wouldn’t complain. Loneliness sucks, after all. And forget about freedom. Such precious moment should not be distracted by heavy thoughts like freedom, independent, and sort. Then, a yawn. I felt sleepy. but before I fell into a dream, I wondered where I would wake.
……… Heaven ……… Hell ... Who knows?